'Happy Being an Island in No Man's Land'

(Originally written in April 2020)

Sometimes I ask myself as I cycle pass these roads of endless cars and everyday people scurrying from one thing to another,

“What is a middle age man doing wasting his time wandering around the city while everyone else is purposefully engaged in the business of life and making a living?”

Of course, this self-directed question, half in jest, loaded with irony, though mostly out of feelings of embarrassment for having a bit of fun while others are tied to their 9 to 6 routines, is always answered with a contented smirk. However, a subtle, nagging despondent feeling from some deep recess within is always present.

I wonder why?

Since my early teens I’ve always enjoyed the long walks and bicycle rides around the old neighborhood whether on my own or with friends regardless of time and weather conditions. The sights and sounds of the places we’ve been, the dicey situations and the camaraderie formed from those halcyon days remained fresh in my memory. Even as we grew up and apart, some moved away and got on with their lives, with all the changes taking place in our then expanding suburban surroundings, I continued the walks, each time a different set of soundtracks playing in my head to suit the mood, revisiting our slowly disappearing old haunts, a solitary figure in a midst of change and uncertainty.

It was not long after moving to the city that the flaneur in me began making way on foot or bicycle, most times at the spur of the moment. Even though more than 2 decades had passed, I never tire of these aimless detours into the older parts of the city and beyond, again, a solitary figure in the midst of rapid changes and greater uncertainty.

Ever since the nationwide lockdown due to the corona virus pandemic was enforced (as I’m writing this 4 week had passed and it has now been extended till May) one is forced to reflect on a number of issues, mostly bread and butter and the existential. Being a freelancer and part time worker (or as my friend Surinam prefers the more dignified term ‘Independent Operator’), we always find ways to put food on the table and keep the roof over our heads come rain or shine. It is the latter that usually keeps an unnatural worrier like myself up at night.

I guess that is the chief reason for this writing,

‘Happy being an Island in No Man’s Land’, a line taken from the second verse of a song (which until now is without a title) I wrote many years ago. Its complete verse is as follows-

No man is an island,

but I’m happy being an island in no man’s land,

I’ll burning bridges that connects me to you,

I’m setting up barricades around my heart,

every time I hear you coming through.

These people and places should be relegated into the past tense,

Cause I’ve got no more time to go around and make amends,

So I and I and You and You,

we’ve got differing points of view,

So let us be judged by the things we say and do.

Though I’ve not played this song for ages, this verse still resonates strongly with me and aptly encapsulates my outlook, then and now.    

There are 3 general definitions of ‘No Man’s Land’ namely,

1) A disputed ground that is in front of two opposing forces,

2) An indeterminate or undefined state or place,

3) A piece of unowned land or wasteland.

The word ‘island’ in this context is taken to mean interchangeably, having an ‘island state of mind’ and an ‘island mentality’. I am aware that the former, being a form of wish fulfillment is less negative than the latter, usually viewed as defensive parochialism. Yet, when one finds oneself in a state of deep uncertainty brought about by opposing forces, each adamant in serving their nefarious ends resulting in unnecessary problems and pointless conflicts, to have an ‘island mentality’ and to be in ‘an island state of mind’ helps...a lot.

I will include parts or complete lyrics of songs written of personal experiences, inspired events, and observations on society, either on its own or interspersed between sentences in italic. They are records of moments and circumstances in my life that has made me who I am.          

‘Happy being an Island in No Man’s Land’ is essentially a vanity publication that serves no purpose but my own. If you’ve enjoyed reading this, I thank you sincerely for your time and I hope that you too will find your little island somewhere in no man’s land.